The Lonely Road Back
I have been silent.
It has been so hard to express my thoughts here. The pain is still too deep. But, somehow I must try because I know that so many of you, my dear friends and family, are hurting too.
I just passed the second anniversary of my stroke. I’m still dealing with it. The mental, physical, and emotional scars will probably remain with me for the rest of my life, but on the very bright side, I survived. I learned how to play again. My voice, my speech, walking, running, almost everything is on the mend. I continue to improve. At this point, my deficiencies can either be blamed on that devastating stroke OR, more likely, my age.
We are also approaching a much more troubling anniversary. One year ago this month, on June 21st our lives were changed forever. We are all still lost without Doug Montcrieff. For all who knew him, this was an unfathomable tragedy. He impacted so many lives in so many positive ways, it would be impossible to calculate the ripple effect of his influence in the world.
In the wake of his passing, the band somehow played a few very important gigs last summer. I do not know how we got through them. Doug is irreplaceable. We decided to fly in missing man formation. No substitutions, just us, his brothers. Bruce was amazing. He filled in all of Doug’s vocals and guitar parts. We sang. We played. We celebrated Doug’s life and kept his music alive. But, at the end of the summer, we knew we could not continue. It was just too painful.
That sentiment remains.
The coronavirus pandemic, just put an exclamation point on something that we all knew. It will be impossible for us to continue without Doug. Maybe someday I will be able to put into words just how important he was to us, and to me. For now, I just want you to know that I am hurting. I am lonely without him in my life. And that I am sorry to have remained silent for so long.
The journey back is a long road. I doubt that I will have enough time left on my ticket to ride it to the end. But, it is a journey I must begin. The first step is to reach out to all of you for forgiveness and strength as we all push onward, blessed to have shared this road with one fine soul, Doug Montcrieff.